Basically sums up my hiatus....crazyness. But hey, more to come later when im feeling like the effort lol right now i have a few beers to finish before work so ill be back later haha

     Yeah, so i apologize for being so apathetic and neglectful lately, I know everyone was just DYING to see what I have been up to since my last cliffhanger of a post. basically its the same old same old with work. Shit sucks. I don't think that ever really changes until you finally get the job you actually wanted in the first place. And even then I guess as humans we will find something to complain about in the end. I just hate this job as it destroys any kind of social life I could ever hope to scavenge together. My days off lately have been becoming few and far between as we keep getting called in to do something work related on our days off. Part of me wonders why it even bothers me all that much since I know nothing really fun usually happens on my days off anyway. Even on weekends since I am a night worker I'm just hitting my stride for the night when everyone else is trying to go to sleep. Makes things really lonely around these parts. To make it worse I think I am starting to go through withdrawals due to the lack of female interaction. Which is kind of ironic because online out of all of my friends I believe only 2 are male. But thats just the nature of the beast I guess, I mean there are like 3 females on my shift, and they are married. Not that I just want a date or anything, I would just like to be able to chill in someone's room and have the sort of conversations one can only comfortably have with the opposite sex. It's nice when all of your conversations don't revolve around work, alcohol, sex, and video games/movies. But at the same time there are just things guys don't talk to each other about for a reason lol.

Anyway, I'm starting to talk in circles. I've been awake for 26 hours and 13 minutes now. Wooooo.

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Now playing: Brand New - aloC-acoC
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Too lazy to update right now. I will later though.

Holy fuck I'm going nuts. Slowly but surely. But then again I hear that crazy as fuck is the new sexy. Thats what everyone tells me. And by "everyone" I do mean , of course, my own mind whenever I watch fight club and have to come face to face with my obsession with Marla. Also I asked my dragon tattoo the other day if it was true.... all he said was "I'M A FUCKING DRAGON"....thats all he says lately....maybe its not good to carry on conversation with the drawing on my arm.

No I'm not a pirate. Though I do think an eye patch would be very slimming. But I had to take emergency leave for a potential death in the family back in Texas. Won't be fun. May or may not be able to update and comment until Thursday so I am sorry for that but I will do my best.


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Now playing: Deftones - Cherry Waves
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Well heres the tattoo pic as promised  it may be kind of blurry though sorry i took it with a phone lol


Haha i need a tan. Tell me what you think. If you want to know why a dragon let me know and i will post the signifigance of it. Hint- when im done with this arm im getting my other arm a half sleeve of a koi swimming upstream.



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Now playing: Dashboard Confessional - Carry This Picture
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Wow so it's been like, fucking forever. Sorry about that haha. Not too much new here to tell the truth. I have a few more tattoos, and pics will come soon. In fact today i got the first component of my half sleeve done so thats awesome. Still lonely and bored as well, so feel free to send me a message on AIM any time you're bored as hell. If you're lucky you might find me as I am tonight- sipping on my patron pissy ass drunk. Fun stuff.

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Now playing: Tool - Prison Sex
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Wow, so lately I've been really bad at updating and commenting, sorry about that. I'll get on it soon lol. I've been in a really good mood lately and everything is going fairly well. In July I get all the money the Air Force took out of my old paychecks so ill be getting about 1900 dollars in one paycheck. Hell yes. So that made me decide not to get my new tattoos until then. I figure it'll be better for me if I go get them and I don't have to worry about my funds. I'm just deciding now if I want to get the nautical stars on my chest or if I should start working on my arms/sides... I don't know I guess I will figure it out when I get there. The tattoo shop that did my old one closed down and i have to find a new place so I want to see their artwork before I get anything elaborate from them.

    I'm going up to Alabama tomorrow to go party the weekend away with my cousin and friends up there. I need it pretty badly the way work has been draining me lately and how the whole Natalie situation has been playing out has not been helping much. So I'm gonna loosen up a bit and take my weekend off to relax. Who knows I may even end up with some fun stories to tell.

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Now playing: Bishop G/Lupe Fiasco/Nikki Jean - Little Weapon
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Like ZOMG I'm updating again. How fun. I have been noticing more and more lately that I am becoming increasingly bitter towards the world in general. I am slowly getting jealous of other people's happiness and I don't understand why. I am not unhappy with where I am at. I could be happier of course but I'm perfectly content actually, but I notice myself making snide comments in my head when other people are enjoying themselves and it bothers me. Hopefully I will get over it soon.

    I found out I got promoted the other day whooo! A whole extra 75 bucks a paycheck haha. Tonight we get to do bitch work around the squadron too. Hooray for me. Tomorrow I am going to go yell at the assholes at finance for taking away my food allowance. It will be fun I hope, but i really would hate to be the person that tries to be a dick about their mistake. Oh yes, there will be blood haha. Good news is im probably getting a couple new tattoos next weekend. yay.

    Anyway holy shit I'm bored, and if you are too hit up my instant messenger name. It will be fun.

 


   So, I'm off for the next three days- exciting shit. Too bad everyone else isn't lol. I am really bored tonight too. I rented a game and bought fight club today. It was on sale for 11 bucks at fye. Good shit. I'm watching it now. Ed Norton is currently crying into Bob's bitch tits. Fun stuff. Lately I have started feeling increasingly lonely in my current lifestyle. I need to get out more. I think tomorrow night I may actually go to the base bible study group thing. Odd seeing as though its most likely a protestant group and I'm a pretty devout catholic. But it would help to meet people that I don't work with and that can be a very good thing. Who knows maybe I will meet myself one of those good girls I have been hearing about. Supposedly they hang around churches lmao.

    I have been updating my music collection over the past couple of days. If anyone has any suggestions out there drop them in the comment box. So far this week I have downloaded Alkaline Trio(completed my discography), August Burns Red, The Devil Wears Prada, Bouncing Souls, From Autumn to Ashes, Operation Ivy, Say Anything, Maylene And The Sons of Disaster(weird I used to go to the same parties these guys did and get fucked up with them and now they are huge lol), Boys Like Girls, and Hollywood Undead. I really like just about everything so just  drop something in here.

    I almost picked up 1984 today since i lost my old copy. Barnes and Noble wanted 8 bucks for a little paperback version though. Fuck that shit. I've already read it like 10 times anyway. I could use a good book though regardless. Thus Spoke Zarathustra is weighing pretty heavily on me lately. I need a break from it. Looking at my collection though I don't see anything I feel like reading again right now. Steinbeck, Dumas, Dante, Homer, Kafka. Don't feel like I'm feeling them right now.

FUCK I have to go to work soon. New boss starts today. New boss is a dickhead. His first day is tonight. Fuck. I hope i get posted out in the middle of nowhere so I won't have to see him. I'm still hungover. Damn.

Anyways, I've been keeping entertained by watching some of Brad Neely's amazing work. You should check it out. You will laugh your ass off. http://www.superdeluxe.com/sd/artist/brad_neely.

I enticed the devil out with a bottle.
but maybe it was he who lured me out instead.
when we slept in penitent beds,
 we awoke in the loving arms of attrition.
so what's my excuse that hell isn't courting me?

So last night I found out that Holly got married. Drank that one off my chest pretty fast lol. It really doesn't bother me all too much but its just fucking crazy as hell. I though she was sketchy before but after talking to everyone about how nobody knows who this dude is or where he came from or how long they have been together, it just makes her seem even worse. It feels really weird not knowing whether she was cheating on that guy with me or not lol. I'm just gonna laugh it off, no big deal though.

Went to New Orleans this weekend as well. Had a good time. The bars were somewhat disappointing though because they were so gimmicky. I hoped there would have been bars that were famous because they were good but they were all only famous because they were on Bourbon street. It was fun though, just as a pointer to all of you don't bring people with you that can't get into bars. It kinda drags down the trip a little when you have to ditch some of your buddies to go out and experience the city. Also Hustler owns like half of damn Bourbon street what the fuck?

    So I have taken a little break from LJ recently due to being completely and totally too lazy to update. Yeah, sorry about that one.

    Anyway, I was watching Donnie Darko today, and it made me think about a lot of things like, how the fuck they are making a sequel that Writer/Director Richard Kelly has and absolutely wants nothing to do with (called S. Darko and it's about his little sister 7 years after the end of the original movie, seriously what the fuck?), where I could get a bitchin' Frank costume, and how for some reason I am extremely attracted to Jena Malone. Mostly though watching the scene where Donnie tells his teacher to shove the lifeline up her ass, I actually remembered that I had a similar encounter with one of my old religion teachers in high school, and it made me laugh. I had to do some stupid project on how I could help improve someone's dignity, and lo and behold when it came time to do my presentation, I walked to the front of the class and explained  basically how the project was bullshit because you cannot give someone dignity as it is something that comes from within, and how I have no project because of that. Like Donnie I was sent to the principal's office, but I wasn't banned from after school activities(captain of the football team whooooo), but I did get 15 days of detention for it. Part of me wonders why we do things like this in certain situations. I mean sure the whole concept of the assignment was idiotic, but it wouldn't have been hard to just make something up and get an A for it. Instead I chose to fail something that was worth a test grade to make a point. Is this just stupid teenage rebellion or is it actually taking a stand for something? I really don't know myself as I haven't in my adult life been faced with a similar situation to see if maturity is a factor or not. I found it pretty interesting. Meh. Who knows, but it received applause so its all good haha.

    Also, I think I am finally getting to be okay with being single again, so that is good. I wouldn't mind meeting someone but I guess right now I am at the point where I'm not gonna concentrate on it too much.  I wouldn't mind having someone to take care of me again lol my eating habits have gone way down hill as of late. Or being able to come home in the morning from a long night at work and crawl into bed with someone I care about.

    I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she told me how interesting she finds it that certain people from my past always have a tendency to show back up into my life. What she said really made me start to wonder if maybe this is because I'm actually the one afraid to move on in life. Maybe somewhere deep down inside I am the one that holds onto my past and allows these people to come back into my life because I am in fact afraid to move forward into situations that I have no control over.  Fuck it who knows. If I don't then I don't guess any of you would.

She leaves to go to Arizona for 3 months next week! I can't say I'm not excited. Maybe after not having to see her every day things will even out for me. It really is pretty sad, I feel like a puppy looking for it's owner with this whole situation. She says she wants to be friends and that she still cares about me and just wants to build a strong friendship first, but I am always the one initiating contact. I haven't done so in nearly a week, and what a coincidence- neither has she. Anyway who else wants to help me count down to the 23rd? I know I for one cannot wait.

Also, if any of you are ever bored, when I'm not at work I'm usually online.  Playmaker722 is my AIM sn.  Hit me up. I really need a new one though. Ive had that one since i was like 13. The name is so lame haha. Anyways, talk to me punks!

Ha, interesting story. Came home from work this morning. Her car wasn't parked in the dorm parking lot. I guess that guy I saw her with the other day was her new boyfriend. It's always interesting the things you only notice when you really don't want to. She is probably laying in his bed as I write this, much the same way she used to lay in mine until only but a week ago. Interestingly enough, even though it really bothers me, I'm not as devastated as I would have been a few days ago.  I guess that random stroke of optimism payed off. Interesting much?

Anyways enough of the emo. It doesn't suit me well. I'm usually not one to dwell on the past too much. Can't change what has already happened. Everything happens for a reason I guess. Also, on a completely unrelated note isn't it just oh so entertaining how the things you want the most but can't seem to obtain usually come into your life in the most unexpected ways? What is even funnier is when they do so in a completely unobtainable way. I find it interesting at least.

Work went pretty well, had to go out to some top secret place an hour away and do entry controller duty. Me and my wingman ended up watching movies the whole time because a total of like 4 people come in that late. We ended up watching The Core, Shaun of the Dead, and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. We also were sitting there shooting the shit with this one guy from behind the id check counter early in the shift only to find out the hard way later when he went home that he was the Lt. Colonel in charge of the place. We stood at attention for him the second time lol. Fun stuff. I know.

Peace out homies, time for me to sleep until the afternoon.


You constantly make it impossible to make conversation.
Keep us comatose but audible.
And I like it the farther I get out.
We pass it off but it's all on us.
Only common conversation,
it took everything I got.
And I like it the farther I get out.

See you guys bright and early tomorrow morning :)

I finally got some of my confidence back in a sort of embarrassing way. Maybe I'm not a social retard after all. Maybe she really doesn't deserve me. Maybe I do deserve more.  It is always entertaining the odd places one can find happiness.  Sometimes it lies in a few kind words from a friend, sometimes it comes from within. Hell sometimes it even hits you for no apparent reason. Whatever it comes from for you, hold on to it. It is a rarity and its a precious thing to have.

Too long; Did not read- I'm actually somewhat happy again. WTF???

    So after dinner last night we went to the mall, and who do I see at the art store? Thats right, my ex, Holly. We made eye contact, so of course I had to stop and hold conversation with her for a while to be polite. Well, she got a haircut and she looks even more beautiful than I remember, and I started fumbling on my words a little like I used to when we first started talking so it was pretty rough, but things were going surprisingly well. That is, until this guy comes up and gets his wallet out of her purse to pay for his stuff. I don't know who this guy is or even if it means anything that she was holding his stuff in her purse, but I tried oh so hard not to look at him because I didn't want it to be obvious that i wanted to rip him limb from limb. A healthy thought, I know. But things with her still went pretty smooth, we joked around about random stupid shit like we used to and after we hugged i backed away with my bowchickabowow shuffle and she couldn't stop smiling or break eye contact with me.  Since then I've been a bit of a mess and she's all I really think about.  I want her back so bad, but I know that even if she took me back that it would probably only be to use me. Is it bad that I want her to use me if it means being with her again for just another minute?

Ironman- It was pretty decent, the only part I didn't really enjoy was the convoy at the beginning. It was supposed to be me and my guys(I'm USAF Security Forces, more about that later) guarding Tony Stark on the convoy, and they were ambushed from the left. Now, I really don't mind them being killed to advance the story line at all. It was absolutely necessary. But DAMN the directors should have consulted someone about the convoy tactics. The FIRST thing you learn about convoys is if you get ambushed and you can't press on YOU DO NOT LEAVE THE VEHICLE ON THE SIDE WHERE YOU ARE BEING AMBUSHED BECAUSE YOU WILL DIE. Lo and behold someone in the movie did it. Grr.

Oh, and I worked my first shift here at Eglin AFB.  I'm an Air Force cop/infantryman  known as Security Forces. We do law enforcement as well as sentry duties, and some infantry work when we deploy.  I work the graveyard shift from like 830pm to 6am. Fun stuff.  I get to have guns and body armor every day so I can't complain :). Later!