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 My back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

 Basically sums up my hiatus....crazyness. But hey, more to come later when im feeling like the effort lol right now i have a few beers to finish before work so ill be back later haha

My motivation problem

You say it's fixable
A classic case, lack of will
I say I don't wanna try
I'd rather sit here all night


     Yeah, so i apologize for being so apathetic and neglectful lately, I know everyone was just DYING to see what I have been up to since my last cliffhanger of a post. basically its the same old same old with work. Shit sucks. I don't think that ever really changes until you finally get the job you actually wanted in the first place. And even then I guess as humans we will find something to complain about in the end. I just hate this job as it destroys any kind of social life I could ever hope to scavenge together. My days off lately have been becoming few and far between as we keep getting called in to do something work related on our days off. Part of me wonders why it even bothers me all that much since I know nothing really fun usually happens on my days off anyway. Even on weekends since I am a night worker I'm just hitting my stride for the night when everyone else is trying to go to sleep. Makes things really lonely around these parts. To make it worse I think I am starting to go through withdrawals due to the lack of female interaction. Which is kind of ironic because online out of all of my friends I believe only 2 are male. But thats just the nature of the beast I guess, I mean there are like 3 females on my shift, and they are married. Not that I just want a date or anything, I would just like to be able to chill in someone's room and have the sort of conversations one can only comfortably have with the opposite sex. It's nice when all of your conversations don't revolve around work, alcohol, sex, and video games/movies. But at the same time there are just things guys don't talk to each other about for a reason lol.

Anyway, I'm starting to talk in circles. I've been awake for 26 hours and 13 minutes now. Wooooo.

Now playing: Brand New - aloC-acoC
via FoxyTunes   

Coming soon!

Too lazy to update right now. I will later though.

Spiraling into Insanity

Down and dirty
Hot and squirty
Its almost poetry

Holy fuck I'm going nuts. Slowly but surely. But then again I hear that crazy as fuck is the new sexy. Thats what everyone tells me. And by "everyone" I do mean , of course, my own mind whenever I watch fight club and have to come face to face with my obsession with Marla. Also I asked my dragon tattoo the other day if it was true.... all he said was "I'M A FUCKING DRAGON"....thats all he says lately....maybe its not good to carry on conversation with the drawing on my arm.

But in all seriousness....save me from my family....please?

P.S.- You don't have to be gay to like Pansy Division.


The waves suck you in, and you drown
If you'd just stay down with me
I'll swim way down with you
Is that what you want?
With you
Is that what you want?

No I'm not a pirate. Though I do think an eye patch would be very slimming. But I had to take emergency leave for a potential death in the family back in Texas. Won't be fun. May or may not be able to update and comment until Thursday so I am sorry for that but I will do my best.

Now playing: Deftones - Cherry Waves
via FoxyTunes    

Beginning of the half sleeve

Well heres the tattoo pic as promised  it may be kind of blurry though sorry i took it with a phone lol

Haha i need a tan. Tell me what you think. If you want to know why a dragon let me know and i will post the signifigance of it. Hint- when im done with this arm im getting my other arm a half sleeve of a koi swimming upstream.

Now playing: Dashboard Confessional - Carry This Picture
via FoxyTunes   

Back from my little hiatus

I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this.
Shit, blood, and come on my hands. Ive come round full circle.
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. you look so precious.
You look so precious now...

Wow so it's been like, fucking forever. Sorry about that haha. Not too much new here to tell the truth. I have a few more tattoos, and pics will come soon. In fact today i got the first component of my half sleeve done so thats awesome. Still lonely and bored as well, so feel free to send me a message on AIM any time you're bored as hell. If you're lucky you might find me as I am tonight- sipping on my patron pissy ass drunk. Fun stuff.

Now playing: Tool - Prison Sex
via FoxyTunes   
    Until they become conscious they will never rebel,
and until after they they have rebelled they cannot become conscious.

Wow, so lately I've been really bad at updating and commenting, sorry about that. I'll get on it soon lol. I've been in a really good mood lately and everything is going fairly well. In July I get all the money the Air Force took out of my old paychecks so ill be getting about 1900 dollars in one paycheck. Hell yes. So that made me decide not to get my new tattoos until then. I figure it'll be better for me if I go get them and I don't have to worry about my funds. I'm just deciding now if I want to get the nautical stars on my chest or if I should start working on my arms/sides... I don't know I guess I will figure it out when I get there. The tattoo shop that did my old one closed down and i have to find a new place so I want to see their artwork before I get anything elaborate from them.

    I'm going up to Alabama tomorrow to go party the weekend away with my cousin and friends up there. I need it pretty badly the way work has been draining me lately and how the whole Natalie situation has been playing out has not been helping much. So I'm gonna loosen up a bit and take my weekend off to relax. Who knows I may even end up with some fun stories to tell.

Now playing: Bishop G/Lupe Fiasco/Nikki Jean - Little Weapon
via FoxyTunes    

Increasingly bitter...

    Hey, where have you gone?
You used to be the one
That we looked up to
Seemed like nothing
Could break you down
How high was the price?
And was it worth it?
Nothing in life is a sure bet anyway
You're gone
I guess you were here from the start
In the end
Its all a question of heart

Like ZOMG I'm updating again. How fun. I have been noticing more and more lately that I am becoming increasingly bitter towards the world in general. I am slowly getting jealous of other people's happiness and I don't understand why. I am not unhappy with where I am at. I could be happier of course but I'm perfectly content actually, but I notice myself making snide comments in my head when other people are enjoying themselves and it bothers me. Hopefully I will get over it soon.

    I found out I got promoted the other day whooo! A whole extra 75 bucks a paycheck haha. Tonight we get to do bitch work around the squadron too. Hooray for me. Tomorrow I am going to go yell at the assholes at finance for taking away my food allowance. It will be fun I hope, but i really would hate to be the person that tries to be a dick about their mistake. Oh yes, there will be blood haha. Good news is im probably getting a couple new tattoos next weekend. yay.

    Anyway holy shit I'm bored, and if you are too hit up my instant messenger name. It will be fun.
ADMIT IT! Despite your pseudo-bohemian appearance and vaguely leftist doctrine of beliefs, you know nothing ABOUT art or sex that you couldn't read in any trendy new york underground fashion magazine...Proto-typical non-conformist. You are a vacuous soldier of the thrift store gestapo. You adhere to a set of standards and tastes that appear to be determined by an unseen panel of hipster judges-BULLSHIT-giving your thumbs up and thumbs down to incoming and outgoing trends and styles of music and art. Go analog baby, you're so post-modern. You're diving face forward into an antiquated past, it's disgusting! It's offensive! Don't stick your nose up at me!

   So, I'm off for the next three days- exciting shit. Too bad everyone else isn't lol. I am really bored tonight too. I rented a game and bought fight club today. It was on sale for 11 bucks at fye. Good shit. I'm watching it now. Ed Norton is currently crying into Bob's bitch tits. Fun stuff. Lately I have started feeling increasingly lonely in my current lifestyle. I need to get out more. I think tomorrow night I may actually go to the base bible study group thing. Odd seeing as though its most likely a protestant group and I'm a pretty devout catholic. But it would help to meet people that I don't work with and that can be a very good thing. Who knows maybe I will meet myself one of those good girls I have been hearing about. Supposedly they hang around churches lmao.

    I have been updating my music collection over the past couple of days. If anyone has any suggestions out there drop them in the comment box. So far this week I have downloaded Alkaline Trio(completed my discography), August Burns Red, The Devil Wears Prada, Bouncing Souls, From Autumn to Ashes, Operation Ivy, Say Anything, Maylene And The Sons of Disaster(weird I used to go to the same parties these guys did and get fucked up with them and now they are huge lol), Boys Like Girls, and Hollywood Undead. I really like just about everything so just  drop something in here.

    I almost picked up 1984 today since i lost my old copy. Barnes and Noble wanted 8 bucks for a little paperback version though. Fuck that shit. I've already read it like 10 times anyway. I could use a good book though regardless. Thus Spoke Zarathustra is weighing pretty heavily on me lately. I need a break from it. Looking at my collection though I don't see anything I feel like reading again right now. Steinbeck, Dumas, Dante, Homer, Kafka. Don't feel like I'm feeling them right now.